The boy so solid he cannot Apparate half an inch across a room takes advantage of some extra practice sessions in Hogsmeade, while Harry continues to obsess over Malfoy and a very pretty girl who is standing guard over the Room of Requirement. Most importantly, Alice and Martha discuss a very promising fan theory about… Read more
Two new queens have entered the scene, and they come in the form of a melting iced cake and the oldest house elf in the world. In other words, we’d be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah has to show us, and we’ve never been more in sympathy with SPEW. Get ready for some master… Read more
Ron spends some time recovering in the hospital wing, avoiding Lavender, and leaning into his true feelings for Er-my-nee. Harry spends his time obsessing over Malfoy, avoiding Lavender (and Cormac), and jumping to conclusions about Sn-I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT. And like McLaggen’s Bludger does with Harry’s head, worlds collide as Peeves, Dobby, and… Read more
No shortcuts or cheats are going to help Harry during the most challenging Potions lesson of the year so far, so he resorts to sheer cheek–oh, he is his mother’s son! The sixth years begin Apparition lessons, though Harry’s not really fussed; after all, he prefers brooms. Ron gets a seriously good haul for his… Read more
Harry and the gang return to Hogwarts via the Floo Network, and are sure not to get any ash on the carpet. In the fallout of the Fat Lady’s overindulgence over the holidays, Alice and Martha finally figure out the true meaning behind some of Lupin’s most enigmatic words. And finally, Slughorn does a very… Read more
It’s Christmas at the Burrow, and everyone is celebrating (except the poor garden gnome being held hostage on the top of the tree). The Weasley family listens to Celestina Warbeck’s marvelous tunes, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, and Harry takes the opportunity to catch up with his buddy Arthur and wise old Professor Lupin, whom… Read more
Slughorn’s Christmas party has everything we could ever ask for, from a real vampire (though sadly, it’s not Rufus Scrimgeour), to a Weird Sisters sighting. Harry spends the night dodging all his least favorite people, and the Queen Slug stoops to astonishing lows when she invites the King Slug to be her date. It’s a… Read more
Awkward teenage romance features heavily in this chapter, which clearly served as the main inspiration for the makers of the sixth movie. Ron’s insecurities both on and off the Quidditch pitch lead to some very unfair and frustrating interactions with Hermione (though it was pretty awful that she probably/might have/could plausibly have snogged Krum two… Read more
In Dumbledore’s office, we dive deep into the Pensieve, a storytelling device that gets more and more convenient each week. Thankfully, Phineas is no longer there to give his commentary! We hear from old Caractacus Burke, see Jude Law drink gin, and even catch a glimpse of one (possibly two) components of the homicidal triad…. Read more
It’s time for another Hogsmeade trip, but unfortunately for all of us, it’s just not as exciting as it used to be. Zonko’s is all boarded up, the weather is freezing, and Tonks/Eeyore is lurking on every corner. But, ooh, at least they have extra-large sugar quills! While “nothing” is in the back getting more… Read more
