The gang’s back together, but Ron has some serious and somber work cut out for him when it comes to winning Hermione over again, and tuning the wireless radio certainly isn’t helping. Luckily, Harry and Ron are very subtly able to get away to “pick blackberries,” which is bro code for “goof off ten feet… Read more
Harry, dressed in all the sweaters he owns and running on two nights without sleep, makes the wise decision to follow a mysterious doe (dough?) deep into the Forest of Dean. Ron, with a ball of light inside his chest (we must have heard that wrong) saves the day and makes a triumphant return to… Read more
Yet another cheery chapter to brighten your Monday! Harry finally gets the savage pleasure of finding out the “truth” that old Batty and Enid Smeek shared (willingly or not) with the world’s most reliable narrator, Rita Skeeter, and the truth is that Dumbledore shared a damn sight more with Gellert Grindelwald than he ever did… Read more
The Christmas fun continues as the bald man and the little woman head to old Batty’s house. To be fair, she was very persuasive and acting totally normal! This is one of Voldemort’s weakest plans that should have never worked, but to Hermione’s surprise, Harry’s mistake was not failing to close his mind, but failing… Read more
This chapter is a major emotional journey. Undesirable Number One finds himself pining for his ex-girlfriend (probably Cho; it is unclear from the context) and entertaining unrealistic theories about the sword in order to get his way. And between the fallout of Ron’s departure, reminders of Dumbledore’s desertion, and the first trip to James’ and… Read more
The lack of bacon sandwiches is really starting to get to everyone, and it’s a real slap of fish on the flesh when they realize they’ve completely forgotten about the possibility of “Accio Salmon!” Harry, Ron, and Hermione get their first excitement in days when they very coincidentally cross paths with some wizards (and, er,… Read more
It’s finally time for some CAMPING!! The trio is now on the run, and Kreacher’s delicious steak and kidney pie has to be swapped out for some rubbery mushrooms stewed in a billycan. This chapter is full of déjà vu moments, from Harry forgetting that he’s a wizard to Hermione lecturing Harry about closing his… Read more
The trio continues with their extremely well-thought-out plan at the Ministry, with only a few tiny hiccups along the way. With Hermione and Ron busy doing the actual jobs of their alter egos, Harry checks a most unlikely location for the locket–Umbridge’s office, which is apparently now guarded by Mike Wazowski. And don’t worry, if… Read more
One of the biggest mysteries of the book is introduced and resolved over the course of this enigmatic chapter, and no, we’re not talking about the mystery of why JK Rowling seems to think even and odd house numbers are on the same side of the street. If you are wondering what has been going… Read more
An extremely aged Lupin, bearing a strong resemblance to Jacob Marley, shows up at Grimmauld Place to inform the trio of the Death Eaters outside, propose a tempting plan, and drop some very surprising news about Tonks. Harry tries out the name “Remus,” and it’s about as cool as Remus’s insistence on referring to Snape… Read more
